Michelle

I'm officially a year older - god help me!

2008-05-10T08:52:03Z

It's my birthday today, and I'm off to London for the weekend!!

I've had some lovely cards and vouchers to spend in M&S - oh god I'm getting old!!

The only thing that's missing is a gorgeous young man to share my bed in the apartment I'm staying in tonight. Ah well, can't have it all can we!!

Whirlwinds

2007-08-18T21:42:56Z

I like being able to write randomly here and not have anyone comment on it.    It's like my secret blog to spill the beans and not be judged.

The past fortnight has been a whirlwind of emotions and it's true to say that they've kind of overwhelmed me somewhat.    I have, it would appear, found my soulmate.   Albeit 8 hours away and some 11 years my junior, but we TOTALLY connected from the minute I pitched up at his place and ending up staying 3 nights.   In his words, I'm stuck with him now regardless of what happens.    It's quite bizarre really.   I've finally found someone who will let me embrace having an open relationship yet know that they will be the one person that each other will turn back to at the end of the day, and it's not me that's coming out with the quotes, it's him.    It's just a pity that I still have the baggage of a marriage tying me down to be able to fully embrace this new opportunity presented before me.    And the age difference matters not a jot, because he is far more intelligent than his 25 years of age belies, he's totally honest about everything - which is something I'm not used to - and doesn't take prisoners lightly.

My mobile phone bill for the next month I am dreading as the amount of messages that have been flying between here and Whitley Bay have been phenomenal, but it's all been worth it.    To totally feel at ease and SO comfortable with someone from the minute the front door closes is amazing.    I had a fantastic 3 nights up there, his Dad liked me too which I found slightly bizarre, seeing as I was in effect some random older woman staying with his son!     The journey home as usual after such events, sucked big time, but knowing that he was feeling the same way (based on the messages I was receiving on the train to Manchester, and then home) made the journey a little better as I didn't feel like the psycho woman I did after my birthday weekend with Alex.

And for him to have felt comfortable enough in the first place to even offer me a place to stay when he couldn't afford to make the trip down to Manchester, and then put up with me for 3 nights and STILL ask me to go to Amsterdam in November is quite frankly astounding.

The fact that I know he will still go out there and fuck other people when the opportunity presents themselves to him isn't actually bothering me too much, as I knew that already from day one, plus with the distance between us it's hardly practical to assume that either one of us could do without sex for that space of time.   He is also expecting me to go out and do the same thing, and said he would be disappointed in me if I didn't!

His words:

and it's just sex. i could shag someone i hate. to actually like someone is something totally different.and you're the person i would come back to regardless. i'm not planning on it & i haven't. i'm just saying we're not tied down atm and we're still young. to not do stuff like that is a crime unto yourself and i would never hold it against you. unless you started seeing someone, then i'd have to kill him

So all in all it's going really well for me at the moment.   Apart from the niggle I have with my internals and the condom problem we had the first night (in that it stayed inside me after the deed and I had to fish it out on the loo).   Fingers crossed the twinges I'm experiencing aren't implantation, otherwise I'm in BIG trouble.   I swear to God that if He gets me out of this dilemma, I will be down the doctors so fast to arrange proper birth control as I can't go through this worry again, and I'm getting fed up of having to use condoms anyway.    I guess I'll find out sometime around the Bank Holiday as I'm due for Aunt Flo on the 27th.

It's never grim up North :P

2007-07-17T21:29:08Z

There appears to be a certain attraction to the North these days. Or should that be 3 attractions :P

First of course is Alex. No need to explain about him ;-)   Yes, I'd hook up again in a heartbeat, wouldn't need to be asked twice :P

Then there's Shaun. 6 foot 1, head chef, tattooed, party animal, 36 and divorced in Blackpool.    Has offered to give me a wild night of sex if I ever get up there.   Christ knows when he sleeps as he's out clubbing until 4 at the earliest pretty much every night, before starting work at 7!

And then there's David.   He's piqued my interest more and more over the past few days. A drop under 6 foot, student, tattooed and pierced, drops the odd pill and other stuff on occasion, 25 and in the Newcastle area.    Not my usual type at all I have to admit, but there's just a certain something about him. He's also intelligent, more intelligent than a lot of people his age that I've come across in a long time, and makes me snort with laughter sometimes with the things he says.    Without any prompting said he would willingly travel anywhere in the country to meet up, and that if it was for more than drinks and a laugh, then that would be up to me.    There's no pressure at all, no childlike "show us your tits" or "wanna cam" crap.    Intelligent conversation, interspersed with oodles of smut :-D   Fantastic.   I am aware he has his issues, but he's been bluntly honest about them, and that's something that again is rare.

Makes a complete change from the sad wankers who leave me messages like:

Hi i´m in your area on business would love to meet up for adult fun at my hotel or can travel to meet at yours
hope your interested.

God your cute

Kev x

Firstly. ICK.   Bad choice of name! LOL

Secondly. ICKY ICK. How childish.

Now all I need to do is sort out my next trip up North ;-)   Hehe, I'm such a naughty girl at the moment, and it's SO much fun!!!

Boys, toys or just toyboys

2007-06-18T22:58:54Z

'Tis all just words, but my ego was given a major boost today.

From an 18 year old no less!

*Adam* - hiya bbe, u look amazing and stunning in ur pic and i love ur tatoos bbe
u single or taken ??
so u ok ?? wat u bin up 2 ??
wb adam x x x x x x x x xx x x

*Me* - Thank you, you just made my day.
So how are you, and what is your fascination with someone as "old" as me ;-)
xx

*Adam* - cos u know wat u want and wat u like,
i would just love 2 make u my gf, would u ever go out wirth me cos i would make u happy and treat u so gd,
have u got msn ??
wb adam x x x x x x x x x

Oh my god! What is it with these young men?? Manchester has a lot to answer for, I mean, does it breed hot young men, nay boys, just to solely torment me, knowing that I am too damn far away to do anything about it ?? Le sigh :P

It's all becoming clearer....

2007-05-15T22:32:05Z

And breathe.....

Today has been better.   A lot better.   With the arrival of Aunt Flo things have calmed down 1000% and I can see things a lot clearer than I could before.   In fact, I'm actually considering going to see the doctor about my periods as this hormonal battering I appear to be suffering month in, month out is seriously beginning to fuck me off.     I could quite easily have ruined a perfect friendship due to being totally spacky.

Thankfully, our friendship is still very much intact and if I have in fact gained a "friend with benefits" then what more could I ask for?     He is the perfect person to have as a FWB :-)     That's not to say I don't still miss him, because I do.    But then, he wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't miss him.    He made my weekend the best ever, and I will always have some gorgeous memories.    Hopefully "next" time, I won't be about to start my period and be so frigging emotional!    In fact, the arrival of my period has also answered some niggles I had about things that didn't quite work out over the course of the weekend.    Namely the disappearance of Madame O despite the passion and sheer ooh-la-la of it all, she failed to make an appearance.    And now I know why.    Better luck next time, eh? ;-)   Not that I didn't enjoy what we did, because oh boy I did :-D *Please Sir, can I have some more* :-P

Now I just have to knuckle down again, get money back in order and clear the stock in the loft by whatever means I can. I got emailed a job spec today by the hotel company just down the road from me which sounds interesting, but I need to seriously think whether I'd be capable of doing the job.    Might drop my agency manager a quick email tomorrow and see what he thinks too.   Location-wise it would be perfect.   I wouldn't have to use the car at all, as it's 5 minutes walk from the house.   Which means I'd be getting some valuable extra exercise too.    But can I really deal with being a Capex controller when I can't even keep my own under control :-S   It's all swings and roundabouts again.   I do like where I am at the moment, mainly due to the extreme flexibility of it all, and the people are really great, plus being paid weekly is a major bonus.   But the benefits just aren't there for a temporary member of staff.   I hardly get any holiday and I don't get paid sick-leave either.    Nor do I get paid for Bank Holidays.    Plus with K about to start his new shifts, I won't be able to do any more overtime, so maybe it is time to consider a full-time permanent position elsewhere, as they still don't seem to be doing anything about making any of us permanent where I am now.    Oh fuck, I don't know, I need the best of both worlds - again!    I need the stability of a permanent position but with the flexibility of a temporary one, as I still need to be able to get the boys to school so I can't start at 9, and that will become even more of an issue when they go up to Year 3 in 2008 as that school is further away in the other direction and will take longer to get to. Hmmm......

One thing is certain though, I now have one less year in which to get things sorted before my 40th and by that point in my life I want to be as debt-free as is humanly possible and divorced.   No Ifs, No Buts.   Done.   Dusted.   Sorted.   It has to be done.

So, no more trips for me until maybe November/December. K wants to go away with the lads for a weekend to Spa to see the racing in September, and I hope he does.   Can't get the point over enough that he needs to be doing stuff himself, and not making me feel guilty all the time about me going away for weekends.   It's not fair.   I just wish he'd stop getting so pissy about money.    It'll be sorted, in time.    Nothing nowadays can be done there and then anymore, we have kids now and a shopping bill of nearly £100+ a week plus all the other expenses means that there isn't a lot to go around anymore like there used to be.   I know we haven't had a family holiday in years, but I don't want one.    It still doesn't seem to register with him that we are not a "family" as such anymore.    We haven't been since I admitted that I didn't love him any more nearly 4 years ago.   I just wish that he'd accept that and move on.

Anyway, A had his first counselling session today, and he seems to think it went well.   Said it was very "therapeutic" talking to someone who has no ulterior motive or baggage, and is objective.   I hope it all goes well for him and that he gets it all sorted.   I've told him I'm always on the end of an email/MSN/phone if he ever wants to talk about it, but to be honest, friends are usually too close to the issue to give an unbiased opinion. It's the professional's job to get to the root of the problem, and for them both to work through it and out the other side.    I wish him so much luck in beating it and I'm sure with each step in the right direction, it'll help him with his long-term career plans too.

Now all I want is the weather to get nice again!

Answers on a postcard please.....

2007-05-14T16:52:38Z

Edited to add: I got my answer tonight, and I will deal with it. The answer was "It's okay, it's nice to hear! But we're friends who had a REALLY fun weekend"   So I know where I stand now, and it is okay, really.   Once again I've over-reacted without taking stock and really thinking things through.   And thankfully the friendship has stayed intact which is the major thing.   If I get a Northern fuck buddy out of all of this, then, go me!

I'm still after a repeat performance sometime though ;-)   To which he's said he's sure we can sort something out eventually :-D

OH, and I think a lot of this had to do with the fact my period started 3 days early today, so hormones had a lot to do with how confused I felt :-S

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I miss him and yet I know I shouldn't, because it's probably not fair on him for me to think like that. I miss stroking his soft skin and feeling the mole on his neck, and by his armpit, I miss feeling his soft hot breath on me and most of all I miss just being with him. Grrr, why do emotions have to spring up so easily and make things so complicated when they are meant to be so simple?

I've had the most amazing weekend and I know I'm on the inevitable low after the high, but does it really have to be this bad? He touched me in many ways (and I don't mean the physical side of the weekend because that's something entirely different - although very yummy indeed and I want more!) that made me want him so much more than I think he probably ever wanted out of this time together.    And I don't want to screw our friendship up if the feelings aren't mutual but holy crap I can't stop thinking about him and wanting to be with him again.   I want to just sit in a ball on the floor and bawl.   Again.   Even my iPod chose songs that made me want to cry on the journey home yesterday!

I promised myself months ago, that this weekend couldn't be anything other than a fun weekend with no strings attached, as he'd already said he wasn't looking for anything other than fun after the break up with Rachel.   Yet when it actually came to it, the damn feelings just barged their way in and now I can't get him out of my head.    And to be honest, I don't want to get him out of my head, regardless of whether he wants this to go any further, or wants a repeat some time in the future, because whatever happens, he's still my friend first and foremost.

I've never met anyone quite so kind, considerate, funny, intelligent, who made my insides flip with each soft kiss, who slept with his arms around me and stroked my arm draped across his naked chest until he fell asleep, and held my hand as we walked the streets, who was happy to cuddle up on the sofa in front of the tv until I wanted to go out for food.

I hope it all wasn't just to please me, I hope that it was mutual and that he wanted to do those things too.   I just wasn't expecting to feel like I do.    It's knocked me for six and I feel so confused.   And yet I know I shouldn't, I don't have the right to.     I also know that I can't push it with him with his exams coming up and his first session with the alcohol counsellor tomorrow.    He doesn't need any more stress, so I wrote him a PM on Suicidegirls and have left it at that.   It wouldn't be fair on him for me to go all schoolgirlie on him and demand answers about how he feels and everything because he doesn't need that stress right now.   But yet I know I will need answers at some point.    I'd love to just be in his head and listen to what's going on in there, find out what he really wants and from who.   I felt at times his mind was elsewhere too, maybe thinking about someone else with the phonecalls he went out to make, and especially after Rachel actually called while we were together.    I know he's trying to make it work with her as a friend even though it must be so hard for him after what she put him through.   But it was still weird for me to hear that she had called him even though he told her he couldn't go and look after B because she felt poorly.   And I know I have no right at all to feel like this!   Yet I felt guilty that maybe he wanted to go and help out yet felt he couldn't leave me because it was my weekend.

We did do a lot of talking over the weekend, getting to know more about each other, about our families and stuff we did when we left school.   That was really nice, to find out more about him and his family and what makes him tick, what he misses about his old band, and how he hopes he does with his uni course and what he wants to go on and do when he graduates.   We had two lovely meals out together over the weekend at the Chinese and the Thai restaurants, and then to Fab Cafe and Grand Central afterwards, having a good chat over food and drinks. I just wish I could mind read and know what happens next.   I feel like I'm back at school and wanting someone to go up to him and say "my mate really fancies you, do you want to be her boyfriend?" which I know sounds so totally and utterly stupid!!

There was a lot of silence too, mainly on my part because I just wanted to be with him, and yet I didn't know what to say all the time.   Didn't want to say anything dumb, and I hope that it didn't make me come across as being boring or not interested in doing anything.   I really just wanted to savour every moment of my time with him as best as I could.     I hope that's not the reason he felt tired on Sunday night and just wanted to sleep :-S

The thing is I really do like him.   A lot.   More than I thought I ever would. To the point where if he told me the feeling was mutual, I would seriously get my arse in gear about finally filing for divorce and getting out of here with the boys.    That's how stupid this whole thing is.   It was only two days.   Two amazing days and nights, for me, but enough to make me know that he is special and means a lot to me and that I don't want to lose him.  In whatever context I "have" him.     I don't think I've ever felt this way about someone before.   Not even all those years ago when K and I first got together.   And it's not fair on A, for me to be thinking all this after having only just got to know him properly and met him for the first time.

See what I mean about emotions??! Fucking things!   Making me feel like I'm some frikking weirdo that's likely to push him away when that's the last thing I want.   Creeping up on me and turning my world upside down like this is just not fair.   *throws teddy out the pram and stamps feet*

Sigh.   I wish he could see this somehow to fully understand where I'm coming from right now to make him realise that I'm not trying to be all weird, or heavy, just open about how I'm feeling right now and that if the feeling really isn't mutual I will be able to deal with it in time because he is just such an amazing guy and whatever happens I will not lose his friendship over this. But unless the internet fairies show him, this will remain in cyber space gathering dust.

Answers on a postcard please.....

bestmateal @ 2007-05-07T22:46:00

2007-05-07T21:54:20Z

Whilst I feel so desperately sad for the parents of Madeleine McCann, I also want to smack them both so fucking hard around the heads.    This could so easily have been prevented.

What parents could even contemplate leaving three young children ALONE to go out for a meal?   I know I couldn't.    Regardless of the fact that they were returning every half hour to check on them, you DO NOT LEAVE YOUNG CHILDREN ALONE for any reason AT ALL and especially not in a foreign country!   And to have turned down the offer of a creche facility for them that night too????    What the fuck was going through their minds when they decided that their meal was more important than the welfare of their three babies?   What would have happened if a fire had broken out?? Geez, where were their brains that night?

As a mother this just makes me so mad.   This tragedy could so easily have been avoided if those parents hadn't been so fucking selfish.   Yes, they're on holiday.   Yes, they probably wanted some "adult" time, but to leave the kids without making sure there was a responsible adult actually with them ALL the time, is just beyond my comprehension.

I truly hope that gorgeous little girl has come to no harm and that she is found safe and well.   But I also hope that the parents have social services come down on them like a ton of bricks for their insensitivity and lack of welfare for the safety of their children.

Rant over.

iPod's,underwear and Manchester

2007-04-29T15:51:19Z

Grrrr.   My new iPod isn't being recognised by my PC :(    All I want to do is move my music from PC to iPod ready for my trip to Manchester in 11 days, and I can't do it! ARGH!!!

I'm hoping it's just my PC that's the problem, so I'm going to take my iPod into work tomorrow and plug it in on my work PC and see if it recognises it there. If it does, then on Tuesday I'll take my external hard-drive in which has all my music on it, and transfer the music across then.    If it doesn't recognise it then I don't know what I'm going to do.    It does work as the light comes on when I turn it from off to on, but it then goes straight off and won't charge and iTunes won't let me sync it because as far as my PC is concerned, it doesn't exist.   Bloody technology!

Hopefully by the end of the year I will have saved enough in my moneypot to buy a new PC or laptop.    That's the one good thing about this moneypot, it's non-accessible until it's full and then SMASH! :-D   So at the end of each week, whatever money larger than a 20p is still in my purse gets put in it (including notes if I'm feeling a little flush).   Obviously this means that some weeks I'm desperate for cash but hey ho, the end result will be worth it.

So anyway, yes. 11 days until Manchester :-D   Big smiles all round for this.   I am so ready for this break away from home.  The boys are currently driving me round the twist and work isn't much better! Not looking forward to the journey of having to get from here to Paddington, then to Euston to actually get to Manchester, but it's better than having to go to Bristol, then Birmingham and then somewhere else before getting there.   Fingers crossed for no delays either here or on the underground on the 10th otherwise I will be a little stressed which is not good on my birthday!

Apartment is all confirmed, and they've emailed me directions on how to find it, which seems easy enough so we'll see whether I make it in one piece.!   And I think I can dump my case there before check-in which is good as I should arrive about an hour before I can book in, so I might take a wander into the centre and do a bit of food and drink shopping.   I have plenty of money in my account to pay for the apartment and have spending money, so I'm a happy girlie.    I also have M&S vouchers to spend and possibly Next ones aswell - let's hit the shops and get me some new clobber!   Actually I could do with getting to M&S first when I arrive as I need to get me boobs measured again now I've lost weight and I can't get to town here to get them done because of having to take the boys with me.   And they are not the most discrete people to take!   Can't have me meeting a certain person in underwear that's shabby and the wrong size now can we :-P

So if someone can make these 11 days go really quickly, but the actual time in Manchester go really slowly, then please wave your magic wand and make it happen!   I can't wait to see Lise again, and to meet Alex too ;-)    I have a feeling it's going to be a good birthday this year ;-)   Good people, good food and good drink.   What more could I ask for?

My Valentine Postbox

2007-02-13T23:21:30Z

Chances are these are the only ones I will get :-S

Valentine Postbox

leave SnowballInHell a valentine's message

get your own valentine postbox

eBay sucks. Fact.

2007-01-24T23:01:03Z

I'm about to give up with eBay - grrrr. Everything I've listed over the past couple of days has either been ended by eBay for "site interference" - turns out they don't like my pink background - so I've sorted that and returned to just a plain white background, or "accepted payments" - supposedly because I have the wording "Cash - sent at your own risk". Except I don't! Nowhere in my html AT ALL does it state those words!!

I'm soooo fed up with it!!! All I want to do is get rid of all my stock completely and I'm not even able to do it as simply as auctioning it on eBay, I mean WTF??

Diagnosis and ponderings

2006-12-04T20:40:23Z

Well, at least I know what's the matter with me now.

Bronchitis. Woo! Go me! That'll explain the coughing up a lung and its contents every 5 minutes, chest pain and generally not being able to breathe properly for the past 4 weeks then.

Seeing as I can't afford to take time off work to recover properly (I don't get paid if I don't work and I have too much debt to consider not working) I will just try to have early nights and not go out (Not that I have a social life anyway). Apologies therefore go to Hannah, David and Colin for not being able to make it to their combined birthday celebrations this weekend, but I needs to get my health back in tip-top condition.

I still haven't done any Christmas shopping. Well, apart from one gift exchange present which needed doing as it was going to the USA. Otherwise I'm generally strapped for cash until Friday. Gee, I'm SO behind on it all this year! I'm usually one of those annoying people that has it all done by the end of October! Still, at least the kids are all done. I couldn't care less whether I get anything to be honest, Christmas is more for them than me. Although I wouldn't say no to pressies, obviously.

Work have stopped allowing free access to MSN messenger now that we (as a company) use Office Communicator, and I can't see my boss paying the $4 a month to let me have access just so I can chat to friends when I'm working, so, sorry guys, I'm not ignoring you, I just simply haven't got the required access anymore.

I got a big apology from Michael today for having ditched me last Saturday, so not everything is bad I guess. He said he was a prat. I'm inclined to accept that.

Bristol boy keeps telling me he misses me. Quite how you can miss someone you've never met or touched before is a tad weird, but we'll see what happens. I've kept him hanging on for 2 years and he's still there waiting and hoping, so maybe something is right about this somewhere along the line. *shrugs* Maybe I'll end up having that hot, dirty sex I've been aching for for so long.

Shane will be in the UK in 5 weeks, so you make sure you Bristol lot look after him when he's there, and you London lot look after him when he travels there the week after, you hear me???? He's a good 'un for sure, I just wish I had more time to be able to spend with him while he's here.

Love and kisses
Michelle xx

Reasons to be cheerful, part 2

2006-11-17T23:43:03Z

3 Reasons to be bloody cheerful

1) My weekend to London is getting closer :D eeep eeep :D I'm getting so nervous about it, which is stupid but also understandable ;) But I also get to see the SGUK lot too, which is good too!

2) Shane is coming over in January *BIG SMILES* Finally I get to meet one of the bestest people ever to have graced my friends list from the start of me joining SG 2 years ago :) I can't fucking wait!! Ok, so logistics come into us actually meeting, but it WILL be done :D There are pints to be sunk before he heads back across the pond again ;)

3) I'm guaranteed the tickets to take the boys to the theatre in London for their birthday in January courtesy of work :D I spoke to the woman in charge of it all, and she said I've got them!! So I'm going to book a family room for the 3 of us and make a weekend of it with my little ones :D Wish me luck traipsing round London with two excited hyper little boys on their first trip to "the big city where Mummy goes to see her friends" :P

I fear my bank account taking a huge pounding that weekend, as they'll want EVERYTHING in the Disney Store, Hamleys, etc.etc.etc :P It'll actually be weird coming to London and NOT going out to the pub! But you'll be more than welcome to come join us on a sightseeing visit :)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Plans for the upcoming week:

Saturday - shopping for new wellies for the boys. Watching the rugby
Sunday - bugger all
Monday - work
Tuesday - work
Wednesday - work. Hair appointment
Thursday - work. Daydream about the next day
Friday - work until 1.30. Quick trip to the chemist on the way home :blushes: Pick boys up from school at 3. Catch train at 4.30 to London. Be a bag of nerves all day. Fight way through commuters on tube. Get to Travelodge and panic about what time Michael will get there and how it'll all turn out :P

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Listening to:

Hot Hot Heat
Frou Frou

Love and kisses
Michelle xx

Kisses, texts and smiles

2006-11-05T23:53:22Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXy8xlh51aw

If our first kiss is anything like that one, then I'm going to be a heap on the floor on the 24th! That kiss just gets me every time I watch that movie. *sigh*

Happy smiley girl this weekend, I've had some lovely texts from Michael and our weekend together is getting ever closer. I really can't wait!

Le sigh :-D

Love and kisses
Michelle xx

tattoos, trips and friends

2006-08-30T20:24:59Z

Oooh looky, well how did that get there??!

Back to London Friday for a short trip (yes I know I've only just been!) before the kids come back from Cornwall at the weekend.

Meeting up with one of the guys from our London office on Friday night for drinks hopefully, and staying with my mate Fen again that night, and probably home Saturday afternoon seeing as Mr miseryguts doesn't seem to want to bring the boys home on the Sunday. Ah well, I have some Canadian green to take with me Friday so Fen and I will be chilled with a capital C by the end of the night :D

ooh la la missy

2006-08-08T00:08:24Z

Note to self:

Carry on being naughty and you might just get what you're hoping for, and some.

Note to, erm, other person:

Tell me when it's booked :P

Mohawked goodness, work and other such stuff

2006-07-13T20:26:20Z

Work Update

M: But I'm only a lowly contractor ;)
D: Yeah, but you'll get taken on permanently soon, won't you?
M: Would be nice to think so
D: Yeah, I'd get to see more of you then
M: *stunned silence* :O :O *wonders if she heard correctly* :blushes:

I can't believe how much the agencies rip off companies for! Bearing in mind I'm on £9 an hour. I saw the invoice today for my first week's recharge, and they are charging the company £15.50 an hour for me :eek: :O It's no wonder most companies want to take on people on a permanent basis rather than keep paying an agency! Holy shit! Mind you, some of the invoices I see stun me even more. People earning £62.50 an hour, and 17 days work totalling £8500!!! Gimme, gimme, gimme!! :P

I do enjoy it there, and not just because of D (above) although that certain helps put a smile on my face even more ;) Blatent flirt :P As bad as each other :P

But yeah, it would really be nice to think that they will keep me on when the contract is due to finish. My 6 months finish on December 31st, so I'll probably start asking questions from the beginning of December, if nothing has been mentioned before then. I'm really happy there, I'm getting a real feel for the job and liaising with the various depots around the country, building up a rapport with certain departments. And feeling slightly smug when I solve an issue going back to 2005 :D

I'm even used to wearing a skirt now :O :P I don't have to wear one because it's smart casual but I actually enjoy flashing some leg now ;) I'm addicted to the egg mayo sandwiches that Ann in the canteen makes fresh for me every day, and I think it's always a good sign when on the first day there, the canteen lady already knows your name :D

Money Update

I'm hopeful that by the end of this month, one bank account will be back in credit, and one card will be a quarter paid off. My aim is to clear at least one card in full, get both bank accounts back in credit and maybe put some aside in a savings account. Then I'll concentrate on the next card. Mind you, in between all that, I have dental fees, car servicing, MOT and tax fees, childminding fees, and school holidays! But I am determined that by the end of the year, whether I am taken on permanent or not, I will have my finances back under control again. Nationwide have already written to advise me they are cutting my overdraft by £400 in 10 days time, so I have to find £200 before then to bring it back down to the £700 overdraft facility that's replacing my £1100 one. I'm slightly annoyed that they've reduced it by such a chunk, but on the other hand, it is one of the accounts that I want to get back in control again, so it's a good kick up the arse really.

Other stuff Update

My uncle-in-law had his life-support machine switched off on Monday :( He'd apparently been working in France on a building project when he is assumed to have fallen through the roof to the ground below. Someone found him lying on the floor with blood pouring from his head and ears on Friday. He was a crazy fool right up to the end, but for fuck's sake, he didn't deserve to go like this :(

I went to Avebury with my ex (and best male friend) Alistair on Sunday. Had a lovely day in the sun with a couple of spliffs while the tourists were all doing their crazy tourist things. Watched a coach load of Morris dancers. Weird fuckers :P Then went to the pub, one of the most haunted ones in the UK, for beer and food :D More please!

'bout it really, I'm a happy girlie right now, so all is well with the world.

Love and kisses
Michelle xx

Adios and new beginnings

2006-06-19T16:23:07Z

I have worked my last EVER shift at Next today. I feel liberated and free. For a time, at least!

Tomorrow I have a hair appointment for more bleach and chocolate brown.

Wednesday I have an interview for a full-time 9-12 month contract at Npower. I think I could cope with earning up to £9 an hour ;) The agencies are also putting me forward for 6 other full-time positions, so things are looking up already.

I have a suit and shoes (albeit old flat shoes, I have spent the past 6 years living in jeans and trainers, so this will be a big culture shock to me!) and I'm full of trepidation. I haven't had to do a "proper" interview in a long time, I just hope none of the pending interviews involve those stupid tests that a lot of companies make you sit now.

I'm off to London on Friday to see the Eels at the Astoria. Anyone want to come to the gig with me???? My friend Naomi is selling her ticket now so I will be going on my own otherwise. Let me know, it's £25

Saturday I'm off to a 21st party in Soho which should be a lot of fun. Loads of faces old and new, and even the chance of a club after the pub shuts (kicks us out!). I am so looking forward to this weekend away. Not sure if Audran is coming up yet, I need to text him and find out his plans. Depends on where he needs to be the next day.

Nathan lost his first tooth last night, so the tooth fairy paid him a visit and left him a shiny silver coin!

I quit, or I will do VERY soon

2006-05-23T15:41:31Z

I have just typed up my letter of resignation.

Dependant on how tomorrow night goes, will see whether I hand it in or not. Based on what happened today, it's more than likely I will.

No, I don't have another job to go to, but I can't continue to work for a company that insist I work my contracted hours when I am totally unable to get childcare for this Friday and Bank Holiday Monday. I'm phoning in sick on Friday and will just have them put Monday down as unauthorised absence.

I no longer give a shit. I've bent over backwards to do all the overtime they've needed, stayed late when all others have gone home, and even locked up the store when I'm not even in a Senior position (like this Thursday for example when I have to lock up again). And they can't even allow me to swap two measly shifts 1) because it will only leave 2 people in the department Friday night. Well sorry, but it's not my fault if you can't plan the shifts better to cover sickness and holiday. 2) When I have offered to go in Tuesday night instead to cover Monday and still you insist that I have to do Monday night. Well guess what? FUCK YOU.

If anyone hears of any jobs in Swindon that are fair and flexible, and preferably pay more than the £5.74 an hour that I'm on now, please let me know.

I hope your day has been better than mine :kiss:

Love and kisses
Michelle xx

Good times, friends and evil drink

2006-05-09T13:01:50Z

Ah how I've missed this boy :D Not that we are "boy" and "girl" anymore, 19 long years have passed since we were allowed to be classed as that young :P We are "man" and "woman" now, although I guess really in our hearts we're still young enough ;-)

Shame I look like a frickin' clown, but hey, it's the only photo of the night when he smiled, and that was the one taken with me, so I'm a happy woman ;-)

Whiskey is evil. Very, VERY evil. It makes me sick. Very VERY sick. Violently sick, very VERY quickly! I lost 3 pounds in weight this weekend due to it. It made me leave my own party earlier than I wanted, which resulted in me missing the chance to finally meet Addie and without even saying goodbye to everyone that was there. It is an evil drink and I don't want ANYONE to EVER buy me even a hint of one again! I don't think the tequila I had helped much either!

So, it's my birthday tomorrow and I have the day off work! YAY!

Time to toughen up....

2006-04-15T14:26:41Z

So they've decided to stop being fuck buddies and actually become a couple. She's asked him to take down his dating profile, and not to contact me as much as we have been. Knew this was coming, but why does it have to hurt so much? Well fuck her, we're still friends so I'll bloody well talk to him if I want to. Crazy 20-year old that she is.

My mood hasn't changed though, I'm 2 pounds lighter already, I have my tickets to London already here for my birthday weekend, and regardless of them, I'm gonna go out and have fun. I'm so determined to not have my self-esteem trampled on again. New improved version on its way ;-)

Easter weekend folks. And I am not eating any crap, nor drinking. I'm not going to spoil the regime before it's really taken hold. My one weekend of treats will be the weekend next month in London. See, I am determined this time, my mind is set.

Cheap tickets and I'm on my way. Again

2006-04-13T20:49:42Z

Hell YEAH! £19 return train tickets :D Yeah baby, I'm back to London in 3 weeks time!!!!!!!!

Can't wait!!!! More drinking :D Let the good times roll :D:D

A change of scenery

2006-04-02T20:29:30Z

Blah, blah, yippeee!!!! House to myself next week from Wednesday, so I have thoughts about disappearing for the weekend and having some fun.

London or Manchester? Hmmmm, guess I'll see what responses I get from the SG crowd first and make an informed decision on Wednesday. I just need a change of scenery for a couple of days but don't wanna be on my own wherever I go :P

I also need to get some more people on my friends list here! Anyone want to bung some cool and interesting people my way?

Love and kisses darlinks
Michelle xx

Things I need to do

2006-01-18T20:33:52Z

I need to:

1) Stop eating
2) Stop spending
3) Carry on not worrying about what other people think of me
4) Give my friends a hug
5) Go to bed earlier

My boys turned 5 on Monday. I can't believe that they are 5, it has gone so quick. They had a real blast at their party on Sunday, and got lots of cool prezzies from their friends too, now all we need is a bigger house to fit all these Power Rangers and Thomas trains/track in ;)

Lesbian approved guide to eating pussy - all males should read and learn!

2006-01-03T11:51:09Z

I have nothing much to say right now, so I shall leave you with an article from VICE magazine:

The lesbian approved guide to eating pussy.

Men suck at eating pussy. Not because they don’t like it but because it is really fucking hard. You have to learn it. Giving good head is the key to just about everything in life (including getting good head later on), so it’s time we broke it down. Like this.
The secret to giving good head is to read the signs. You could be the best sexual mechanic in the world, but if you can’t read the emotional road signs, you’re going to end up wandering around in a desolate labial wasteland until, eventually, you drop from exhaustion, hot tears of confusion streaming down your face.
Think of eating the puss as your way of saying, “Although I am about to rock your insides with 3,000 pounds of explosives, here’s a little treat session to show you how I really feel.” Instead of a screamed “OH MY GOD!!” like her baby has been trapped under a car (which is what fucking should do), cunnilingus elicits a more splendiferous “ohmygodohmygodohmygod.” Kind of like being massaged with exotic fruits by a muscular Arab oil sheik. A good mange (that’s French for “eat,” you brutes) is like a thousand years of Saturdays or a “Calgon, take me away” ad.
Break it down!

Be Down
Don’t go down unless you’re down. Unlike fellatio, cunnilingus can never be done as a favor. Doing it when you don’t want to will only bring on the dry heaves. Eat like a pig at the trough and a lot of stupid mistakes will be forgiven.

Don’t Say High to Dry
A dry pussy is an unhappy pussy. If your fingers graze a dry bush, go back to the kissing and hugging for a while. Just make sure you actually dip your finger between the lips. Sometimes moisture gets trapped between the labia and a little fingerial coaxing is all that’s needed to get the honey dripping.
Once you’re sure the beaver is wet, give it a few light, teasing strokes with your finger. There’s nothing worse than rushing into this, so make sure she’s really begging for it before you get under the covers.
Extra tip: Be like Prince and bring up a wet finger that both of you can share like a 1950’s milkshake with two straws.
Important: Don’t play your trump card too soon by putting your fingers all the way inside. This can detract from the upcoming penetration and kill the tease factor. Try to remember that 78 percent of a woman’s pleasure is about yearning. Poking it in too soon is sure to put out the fire.

Submarine Mission for You, Baby
Once she’s lathered up, it’s time to go down. Get your fingers out of there and don’t touch anything for a bit. Let your lap do a bit of grinding and get some last-minute necking in like you’re going away on a vacation.
Though it’s very tempting on your way down to pull the blankets over your head like the little mole-man that you are, this is a very bad idea. It gets super hot down there and whipping the duvet off your head and gasping for air ten seconds before she comes is pretty much going to kill the mood.
Stat by kissing her boobs and stomach and slowly working your way down. Don’t get carried away with those stupid tits, though. That’s something you should have taken care of before the pants even came off. Right now it’s all about the stomach and inner thighs. A little bit of gentle biting is good, but a sure winner is to start at the knee and move toward the muff in a slow, shark-like swoop. Nibble your way right up to the edge of her cunt, then skip across it and head to the other knee. Repeat. Doing this a few times will get her really hot and save you a lot of pussy-eating time in the long run.
When you’re just about ready to do the deed, start practicing on that weird crevice next to the lips. Don’t spend too long there or she might start to think that you think that’s the actual cunt. By now she should be dying for you to make your move. If you’re doing it right, she’ll be moaning and trying to force your head between her legs. Stretch this phase out until she looks like she’s been holding her breath for three days.
Extra Trick: Hover over the bush for about five seconds before the first lick. If you wait longer than that, she might think you’re having second thoughts because it smells bad. Of course, we all know that motherfucker smells sweeter than a bowl of steamin’ crawdaddies.
Important: Never bite the cunt in any way whatsoever. If this needs more explaining you should probably just stick to jerking off.

Parting the Red Seas
Isolate your playing field. Pubic hairs are to eating pussy what the Cavity Creeps are to dental hygiene. You’re never going to be able to identify all the parts if she looks like that PiL album That What Is Not. One hot trick is to get her to spread her lips apart so her pussy is all set up for you like a great big buffet.

The Grand Entrance
Do your first lick super slow. It’s good to groan and moan too. It shows you’re digging it while sending microscopic audiophonic vibrations right up her snapper. Start just above the anus and take it all the way to the fur. Do about a dozen of these St. Bernard licks before moving on (take it really slow, like four seconds per lick).
This is a good time to figure out what kind of clit she has. If it’s real sensitive, she’ll probably convulse as you pass over it and that means you’re in for an easy ride. If there’s no reaction when you graze over her clit, she probably has one of those nerveless little pea clits and you’re in for a thirty-minute session of tongue tendonitis.

Rock the Boat
Eating pussy is so gentle it can make you feel like a bit of a fag. If you’re getting tired of being a ballerina boy, take it out on the clit. Figure out how much abuse it can take without making her uncomfortable and show the little bastard who’s boss.
After all, Mr. Elusive is precisely what makes muff diving so difficult. He’s surrounded by labia and, even after you find him, all the pressure can pop him over to the side. All of a sudden you’re giving the pee hole the seeing-to of its life. Think of the clit as a tumor in a pile of earlobes. When you push down on the area, he’s the only one that can’t be squished. Once one of your tongue troopers finds him, call for reinforcements. Use your lips to get hers out of the way and focus all your attention on getting him alone. Once you find him, give him a bit of a hard time for trying to hide from you. Frisk him and give him a couple of whacks across the head. More on this punk and his bad attitude later.
Extra-important tip: The best way to stimulate the clit is to run your entire tongue over it after you isolate it from the lips. The man in the boat should feel the texture of the entire tongue pushing down on his body and his boat.

Identifying the Clit Type
After the slow licks it’s time to get this party started. There are essentially two types of clitori; ones that enjoy a serious going-over and ones that don’t. The latter suck about as much as a one-inch penis and you should dump her right away.
Extra tip: Clits come in all shapes, sizes, and sensitivities; but that doesn’t really tell you much. All of them want to be treated slow and soft at the beginning, but the only way you can tell if you can go fast at the end is by reading her reactions. This is impossible to teach, but just do the best you can. All I can tell you is convulsing means take it easy and “Oh my God” means bring it on.

Clits That Need a Serious Going-over
These are the most fun because you can be creative. Pretend your tongue is the bad cop and the clit is the guy who killed your partner. Separate him from his buddies (the lips) and suck him right up into your mouth. Now he’s on your turf. Keep him erect by creating an airtight vacuum chamber in your mouth. Slap the little bugger upside the head with one big tongue bonk. He’s not going to tell you shit because he’s a clit and he has no idea of what you’re talking about, but kick his ass anyways. After a few teasers and swirling circles, rat-a-tat-tat him senseless like a boxer whacking a speed bag. If she starts freaking out like it’s too much, ease up on the interrogation and go back to the St. Bernard licks. The vacuum is a great way to bring her to orgasm, but it’s a bit much sometimes, so mix things up with some circles around the clit and some tongue fucking.
As you’re closing in for the kill, go back to the vacuum and give the suspect a relentless head smacking. Up-and-downies are usually the most effective, but your tongue will get less tired if you throw in a few side-to-sides. When you feel the inner thighs start to shake, this is it. Be repetitive. Do NOT be creative. You’re almost home and this is not the time to start changing tactics.
Extra tip: To keep the rhythm going, try repeating a chant in your head that goes with the movement of your tongue like a Micmac Indian (hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya). Any inconsistent action may throw her off, killing the mood or at least setting you back a few minutes, which is bad for morale.
Important: Keep going several seconds after her orgasm. Remember, it isn’t over until the hands come down from above and lay you off. If she’s multiorgasmic, you’ll have to keep going until you’ve done the whole routine another four or five times. If you’re not sure what to do, just keep giving her shit until the magic hands come down.

Clits That Don’t
Some clits don’t want to be singled out and battered around. These are the boring ones that need to be treated with gentle care. Just do casual St. Bernard licks until she cums, pure and simple. If you’re getting bored try going in some different directions for a while. A good way to keep it random is to spell out different letters of the alphabet with the tip of your tongue. You could be looking at half an hour here, pal, and that can be problematic. If you go for that long and she doesn’t cum, you’re going to be in a foul mood, so if it’s too much work, move on. On the bright side, going for thirty minutes is something few people have the patience for, so sticking it out will lead to some payback when period week comes around.

The Conclusion
Once you’re done (totally finished), she’s going to want you out of there pronto because the whole area is sensitive. Instead of leaving, stick out your tongue and lay it down on her like a thick, soggy carpet. Make sure you don’t move it or anything because that can actually hurt her. Just let it sit there like a dead manta ray for about thirty seconds. Then come up and wipe your face like a pirate. You now have a good minute to get the condom on and take her from the quarters of Prince Muhammad Muhammad Saddat to the cockpit of an F-15.

EXTRA BONUS TRACKS

Getting Fired
If two hands suddenly drop from the sky and start pulling you up, you’ve just been sacked. She’ll tell you she never cums from that anyway, but the truth is you suck at sucking. Just give her a jolly good rogering and look at the whole thing as a learning experience. Later you can ask what the problem was so you can get it right the next time. If you’re really lame, you can ask for a regular play-by-play from the broadcast booth. A bit of the old “slow-down-you’re-going-to-fast-yeah-there-like-that-oh-that’s-perfect” can turn even the John Wayne Bobbitt of pussy eaters into a Doug Hart.

The Power Lunch
Nothing keeps you in the game and makes her cum harder than a mid-fuck munch. Pulling out in the middle of the race may leave her a bit confused, but it’s a great way for all you premature ejaculators to simmer down a bit and it reminds her neglected clitoris that he’s a somebody. If after a few seconds she still isn’t into it, you can save face by pretending you just couldn’t resist. Give it up and get back to the boff.
Extra tip: Unless you like the taste of your own latex-covered dink, keep your mid-fuck snacking to the upper clit region and stay away from the whole.

The Bottom
Fingers: If you are dealing with a particularly saucy vixen she may want something in her bum. A thumb gives you the best leeway, but keep in mind you are doing a raunchy thing and this should be saved until the end. Incidentally, if you’re trying to introduce a bum finger as a good thing, try eking it in during orgasm. If it doesn’t wreck everything you could have a Pavlovian response on your hands for the rest of the relationship.
Hole: We’re not going to get into licking the actual hoop in this section because if you’re into that, you’re way too advanced for this seminar and should have graduated with a PhD in pussy years ago.
Cheeks: Bum-cheek rubbing is always good. There are over five hundred thousand nerve endings on those cheeks, so giving them a good squeeze or a slap while you lick the pussy will get you instant results.

The Double Whammy
Though some idiots (like me) say it takes away from when you actually put in the dink, simultaneous fingering is a great way to totally blow her mind. Think of it as the crack cocaine of cunnilingus.

Being Knackered
Tongue exhaustion is the number-one cause of abandoned mange-ing, but there are many ways to avoid it. Like we said, using your tongue as an inanimate object is a great way to give it a rest. Stick it out as far as if can go and tense it. Then bite into it with your teeth and move it around the cunt using your neck muscles. Another solution is simply to use your fingers on the clit while you give your mouth a rest.

Fuck you Bitch

2005-12-25T15:56:42Z

The Fucking Bitch just HAD to go and ruin yet another part of my life.......

What did she do this time????

Only fucking died on Christmas Eve I will not wish her to RIP despite the fact that she's my Nan, I have not spoken to her in over 12 years. Even hoping she rots in hell would be too good for that evil witch

So I shall just continue to get drunk today, stick two fingers up to her wherever her corpse is laying right now, and make damn sure the rest of this Holiday is better than she's made it so far. That's not to admit I have shed some tears over this, I'm not that fucking callous.

Got some fucking awesome gifts today, and the kids are inundated with stuff too. Now THAT part of this Holiday is at least making me smile

Love and kisses
Michelle xx